Jun 5, 2015

Not Your Typical Love Letter

I have been blogging since 2009.  Almost 7 years of dating sagas, war stories and soap operas.  It has certainly given me some great inspiration and content.  Even the terrible dates I went on gave me insight and afflatus to write.  However, with time, comes change…  And I am ecstatic to report (for my own sake) that you will no longer reading any posts about dating –Well, not about MY dating experiences anyway.  I still have quite a few friends who are sharing their stories and willing to act as my muse.  But the dating content will no longer be in first person.  What I’m trying to say is I have said “YES” to my handsome fiancé.

So, since all of my readers have ridden the roller coaster of 20something dating with me, I wanted to share a personal piece that will explain why I am “off the market.”  So here it is, a letter to my fiancé…

Dear Eric,

Thank you for asking me to marry you.  It has been my favorite question thus far on our journey.  I said yes, because I love you.  All of you.  And I want to share how I feel…

You do not complete me.  You never could.  But I could never complete you either.  My wish for us is that we never feel “complete.” Because that means we get to keep having adventures, making memories, growing, loving, learning and living together.  Completeness was never something I looked for in our relationship.  I am a whole person, and I love you because you are a whole person.  I did not feel incomplete with you.  But I did feel lonely. And when we met, we had an instant connection.  It’s like we had our first date and then we were officially a couple.  No dating games, no break up and make up.  We both knew how rare it was for everything to “feel” right. It was never about filling a void, instead it was about recognizing a feeling.

And in these four years, we have grown.  A lot.  And we are continuing to work to be better versions of ourselves.  You push me and I push you.  What we have is harmony, for you compliment me, and I you.  We lift each other up and bring out the best versions of ourselves.

But please, know that I do not think you are the perfect man.  And I truly hope that you do not think I am the perfect woman.  Because, perfection is an exhausting, unattainable ruse; filled with false expectations and many disappointments.  Instead, I want you to know that you are my counterpart. We are contrarian. We know that both “completeness” and “perfection” are not real.  So we have never wasted time on those.

Instead, we paid more attention to what was real; which is how we feel, how we think and how we love. And what we found on our journey is that we fit.  So for that, we are “perfect” for each other.

I never liked fairytales; the idea of being helpless and needing to be saved.  But you already know that about me. As you say, I came out of the womb with a burnt bra in my hand. :) But I guess I never liked the fairytale story because the author doesn't reveal the truth about being “saved.” And the truth is, that saving has to be egalitarian. 

In a successful relationship, we both have moments where we’re the vulnerable one who needs to be saved, and conversely, we both have moments where we step up (on the cliché white horse)  and do the saving.

Choosing to be together means knowing and trusting, when to be humble enough to ask for saving…and when to be strong enough to do it.  It’s not mutually exclusive.  We both need it.  We will both provide it at different points and at different times.

Besides, the idea of a fairytale is so singular.  Life is so much more complex. It’s a myriad of stories; comedies, fairytales, tragedies and dramas.  I want to have them all with you.  We will be the wind beneath each others wings and we will face life, holding hands, side by side.

And, I want you to know that I will not be marrying my best friend as many of the sappy sayings go.  I already have best friends, great woman who I am lucky enough to have by my side. Besides, "Best friend” is only a small piece of what we are.  You’re so much more than that…you are my partner, my sounding board, my rock, my home.  

We do not need each other, we choose each other.  It’s not that I am so dependent that I feel compelled to say, “I couldn’t live without out.”  I just don’t ever want to.  Having you in my life has shown me joy that I didn’t know existed and I don’t ever want to be without that.

So, I choose you and I want to be with you, every day, for the rest of our days. For I have found the one whom my soul loves.

With all of my love,



"I do" :)