Lana Maryé Morelli

“I (squeeze), Love (squeeze), You (squeeze).” Hands have always held a bit of importance in our family. We have a code of “Three Squeezes” something we routinely do as we kissed each other goodbye. Something I did as I ran out the door with friends or my boyfriend. “See you later,” (Squeeze, Squeeze Squeeze). Something that I never paid much attention to. It was just a tradition, a habit, a routine for us. One of the many quirks that families have. But  everything turned upside down when my father was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) fighting for his life. When change is anticipated, we welcome it—A graduation, an engagement, a new house, a new car, an arrival of a baby or a new job.  In those instances we celebrate change. But when change comes abruptly and unexpected, we want to hide from it, only to find out there is no where to hide. That’s how I felt anyway when my father was hospitalized and put into a coma. I wanted to hide. I wanted to sink int...

New Years Eve…the holiday we love to hate, and hate to love. It’s interesting though that it gets that much attention, considering it is such a low-maintenance holiday. Like Thanksgiving or Fourth of July it requires no gift-giving or card buying. Most people don’t have a signature New Years Eve dish or cookie. The only effort this holiday requires is showing up and celebrating…yet we still complain?! Although we don’t have a tangible obligation of something to; buy, bring, make or bake, there is an intangible stress that hovers around NYE. I remember when I turned 21, I had some innate need to go out every Friday and Saturday night. I had waited my whole life to be “legal” and go to the bar/club, so I made it my duty to get dressed up and hit the town every weekend. I felt that if I staying in I was acting ungrateful for the fact that I now had nothing holding me back. I built up the big 2-1 in my head for so long, that I had to make the most of it. At first, it wasn’t a ...

Another person falls victim to bullying.   This tragic and horrible epidemic is newly taking over the teen and tween population.   Spreading like wildfire amongst the most impressionable generation all because of the bastard internet. Okay, wait.   That’s not true. In fact, bullying has been around forever. I remember sitting with my grandmother.   A 5’ foot tall, Irish woman, who had the sweetest face, and the sharpest tongue.   She was cute as a button, but that was only a façade.   I must have been only 5 or 6 years old and I remember her teaching me a little song.   I sat on her floral couch, wide-eyed and singing along.            Here’s my pinkie… Here’s my thumb… Here’s my fist you better run! It was a silly little song, and with each line, we performed the corresponding movements.   We showed our pinkie, then our thumb, and finally raised our fist with a very serious...

  I had just completed my first year of law school and I was clerking for a judge during my “Summer 1” (as the law students call it) .   I should have been enjoying my time off from class but I didn’t feel happy.   At lunchtime, I should have been rubbing elbows with the higher ups, networking and learning the politics of the courthouse.   Instead, I sat in the giant window in the Judges Chambers with my salad, scribbling away furiously in a pink legal pad.   I knew at Christmas of that year that I wasn’t happy in law school, but I kept pushing to make it fit.   Instead of gloating about the coveted clerkship I was privileged to obtain, I was writing, trying to organize my feelings on returning to law school for a second year. Whenever I come to a crossroads in my life, I like to make a list of pro’s and con’s. Sounds kind of silly, that a list could help me make decisions, but my gut seemed to be confused and as hard as I looked for Jiminy Cricket, h...

“A frail grasp on the big picture…” Now what the hell does that mean??  First time I heard this particular group of words strung together was in song by the band, The Eagles.      The song talks about the local bar… Good ol' boys down at the bar Peanuts and politics They think they know it all About relationships… You don't have the slightest notion what long-term love is all about All your romantic liaisons don't deal with eternal questions like: "Who left the cap off the” freaking” toothpaste?" "Whose turn to take the garbage out?" And about morals…. All our troubles will be resolved We hold faith above all Unless there's money or sex involved This song is brutally honest and makes complete sense.  I’ll tell you why… I am currently teaching writing to college students at the local Community College.  It’s English 100 and English 112.  I found that in the past few weeks I’ve been stressing to my students a very old adage in w...

“I’m sorry for your loss…”   It’s what you’re supposed to say.  But even as the words left my lips and resonated in my brain, I thought about how empty, generic and half hearted they seemed.  As I listened to his voice on the voicemail I rehearsed saying it, but each time it sounded wrong.  I wanted a Hallmark zinger; something short, sweet and powerful. At this point even if it rhymed and skimmed the surface of cheesy, I thought that it would have been better than “ I’m sorry for your loss.” This was a person I spent my childhood summers beside.  He was someone I’ve known for almost two decades and I felt like the words “I’m sorry for your loss” were desensitizing his situation. This is when I really needed Hallmark, but instead was left to my own devices.  Suddenly the voicemail beeped indicating for me to speak... “ Hey… it’s me .” I sounded too chipper; I tried to adjust my tone.  “ I heard about your dad …” Shit, now I sounded too depr...

“ I want it all !” Those four words are engrained in the foundation of the American Dream.  Anyone can have it (whatever “it” is) as long as their willing to work for it.  So, we 20somethings, trudge through school in hopes of finding “it”.  We secure a job in able to work at achieving “it.”  We focus on “it” and we make it our goal, our passion, our dream.   The irony is, that those people who seem most “together,” the ones that are certain they’re going to find “it”, can end up the most lost.  Those people who appear to know the program, the ones that are “on the right track” from the start… they are the ones who risk being farthest from “it.”   I can make this general statement with confidence because I was one of those people.   Smart, driven, confident and determined—all of which sounds good on paper, but can actually be a lethal combination.   When you have these qualities and you chose to focus on the wrong thing; or if you find your...