Skip to main content

Fearless? No Fear-More

My nephew turned one last week; my brother and sister-in-law taught him how to say “UN” so it sounds like one. It’s adorable! It’s also unbelievable that in just a year’s time he is already starting to walk and talk. Last year we hadn’t even met him and now his bubbly little personality rules the roost in our family.

At his first birthday party, I looked at him surrounded by Mickey Mouse balloons, noisemakers, streamers, figurines and even a Club House Mickey Cake and I couldn’t help but be in awe of him. It truly gave me perspective on how vastly things can change in a year’s time.

I remember last year around that time tapping my foot in the Charles De Gaul Airport in Paris, France waiting to board our plane. I am always nervous about flying, but this flight was unusually nerve racking. My sister-in-law was due to have the baby any day and we were still on vacation. My sister Pam called home to tell my family we were boarding the plane and to get a baby-status update.

As she hung up the phone her face looked relieved.

“They went to the hospital last night, but it was false labor. Their home now, no baby yet!”


My sister, mom and I had planned our trip to Paris months in advance not thinking that the due date and our vacation would coincide. (Not that there was anything we could have done had we been home, but we just didn’t want to miss being there the day he was born.)

Luckily, my little nephew waited for us, he arrived just three days after we landed in the Philadelphia airport and he changed our family forever. In fact, change seemed to be the theme of last summer. Three weeks after his birth, I received my acceptance to graduate school and officially withdrew from law school. It was a lot of change at one time. We had a new addition to our family and I was getting ready to head down a new path.

When I think about just one year ago, my whole life was different. Last year my life was filled with stress, uncertainty, unhappiness and fear. But as I think back, I am grateful for the fear. The fear is what turned everything around though.

Now, I’m not talking Freddy Krueger-Halloween- horror movie fear, I’m talking about the good kind. Good kind? You ask…maybe that was a typo? Nope, I’m talking about the fear that settles into the pit of your stomach and makes you feel antsy inside. The kind that makes you second guess yourself and rethink your decisions. It all sounds “bad” and not “good” but stay with me…

My theory is that without that pit-of-your-stomach-fear we would never develop the gumption to try new things and accomplish great successes. Luckily, the thing about fear is it usually doesn’t stick around for too long. While we are 20something it sometimes feels as if fear is a constant because we have so many new choices thrown at us all at once. Our decisions about schools, career, relationships and overall purpose have lasting effects on our lives and the fear of making those choices can be overwhelming.

So with all of this closing in on us at one time, it feels like fear could be unvarying. But we should find comfort in knowing that fear is actually a fading feeling and once faced head on, can be conquered.

Doubt, Guilt, Sadness…. now those have sticking power…. but fear is really all bark and no bite.

Think of it this way, without fear we wouldn’t take that first step into the unknown and we sure as hell wouldn’t appreciate how far we have come once we get there. It’s the fear that makes it good.

When I studied abroad in Italy I went cliff diving. I remember climbing all the way to the top and looking down into the aqua blue water of the Mediterranean Sea. I took in a deep breath of the salty air and looked down, only to think…

“What the hell am I doing? This cliff is high, only an idiot would jump off this.”

Some call this a rational thought, (it partially was, okay probably more than partially) but some aspect of that thought was also motivated by fear. Yes, fear for my life (I was on a cliff in a foreign country) but it was also fear of a risk.

I would like to tell you that I was practical/rational/responsible and snapped a couple pictures before making a safe descent down the cliff, however I was only 19 years old and practicality didn’t really fit into my five months abroad. Instead, I took a few steps back to get a running start and I jumped.

I was sacred, but I did it anyway. I pushed the fear back to wherever it came from and leaped. As soon as I hit that water and swam to the surface I looked up at that cliff and felt a feeling of accomplishment. A satisfaction that, yes, I survived, but also that I was ballsy enough to jump. I think I told everyone on the beach that day that I jumped from the top of that cliff.

That’s the “good” fear. The fear that challenges you and without the challenge, there would be no reward. Without the fear there wouldn’t be the sense of accomplishment at the end. It is one of the strongest catalysts in life.

I know that my sister-in-law felt fear as she pulled up to the hospital a year ago to have a baby. I know that I felt fear when I signed the “Official” paperwork to withdraw from law school. I can even see the fear that drives my precious little nephew as he steadies himself on his feet and grips onto the nearest table or chair while he gets his balance. His face grows serious with a look of determination as he lets his hands fall to his side and he stands on his own, and then a rush of excitement crosses his face as he begins to take quick tiny steps forward in his wobbly attempt to walk.

Determination, Fear, Courage and Accomplishment. (In that order)

So even though we are all scared to let go of the comfort and stability, we continue to conquer fear and in essence take on new challenges. We do it because sometimes we have to, or we need to, or we want to. We do it because fear is what adds the spice and excitement to life. It is the motivator that pushes us to take a minute, evaluate, and gather the guts to go forward, head up, putting one foot in front of the other and take that crazy leap.

So as we stand at the brink of something new… a new relationship, a new job, a new path or endeavor, don’t let fear deter you. Just soak it in for a minute and remind yourself that those butterflies, in the pit of your stomach, are there because you’re pushing yourself and doing something new and exciting; changing direction, changing your life and at the very least making great memories.

SHORT AND SWEET…AKA…MORAL OF THE BLOG

It isn’t until we feel fear and decide to move beyond it that we can really comprehend the stuff we’re made of and get a real taste for life. We have the rest of our lives to be settled, comfortable, and predictable. So be happy when you feel that pit-of-your-stomach fear because it means you’re standing on the edge of something new!

When that “good fear” happens things are supposed to be scary, things are supposed to change and things are supposed to be exciting. So take a step back, get a running start, don’t punk out, be courageous and take the leap. That’s what being 20something is all about.

xoxo
Lana


“The only constant thing in life is change…”-Unknown
"Do one thing everyday that scares you" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Comments

  1. OK so I am behind on reading the blogs... I just read this one and I am happy I waited ... I am happy because I needed to read those words now more then ever!! Thank you Lana
    Love ya!
    Pam

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

PLEASE feel free to leave me a comment (if you don't have a google account, use "Open Id" or "Anonymous" and you can let me know what you think about any of my posts....also click the link above to "follow" my blog! :)

xoxo
Lana

Popular posts from this blog

Skewed Meaning of "Seen But Not Heard"

“Children should be seen and not heard” -----that’s the age-old saying. I think it’s supposed to imply that kids should observe, speak when spoken to, not talk back and give respect to their elders (that mean anyone older than them--so us 20 something’s fall into that category too!) I am a 20something. It isn’t THAT long ago that I was a kid. I remember hearing and being offended by this little cliché saying. I found it insulting and stifling. Now as an adult, I see the logic behind it. It’s not supposed to imply that children should not have a thought or an opinion or a voice. It means that children should observe, learn how to make appropriate comments and how to interact socially. I think somewhere along the line this idea became skewed. Children are not quieted to learn and observe, but are silenced by technology and lack of parenting. Let me explain… I walked into a restaurant the other night and I saw a little boy; he must have been 7 or 8, slumped over in a chair wit

To My Daughter During Quarantine

April 2020 Dearest Evelyn, Whether you know it or not, you are a warrior, in a global pandemic against the coronavirus, popularity called COVID19. I wrote this letter because while you may not remember this at all, I want you to know how brave you are, and how brave you have made me. You are 22 months old, (not even 2 years old yet), and your baby brother is 11 weeks old. It is the year 2020. Schools and daycares are closed. Streets, restaurants, shopping centers, even cities, are empty. People are “sheltering in place” at home. We must “gear up” to go to the grocery store. But we never go. We use a delivery service to get our food, and even then, I wear my hair up, rubber gloves, and an N95 mask (a reusable kind, not the ones for hospital workers) to wipe and spray everything down, before I bring it into our home. We don’t see our friends and family anymore. Not in person anyway. We have FaceTime and Zoom instead. You miss your daycare, Ms. Anne’s House , but we

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!

I love to read and a few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me a bag of books to look through. “I read them all, so you can keep what you want,” she said. Honestly, it was like Christmas morning! The start of the summer and a whole new bag of books to read. I could hear the beach calling my name. Among the mystery murder novels and cheesy romance books was one by comedian Steve Harvey called “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” I laughed out loud at the title and began to page through the book. It looked like an “easy-read” so I started scanning the chapters. The book started out with “What Drives Men” a section where Harvey explains, first things first… immediately upon meeting women, almost all men, are plotting on how to get in your pants! “They can’t help it,” he says, because they naturally think about sex way too many times in one day. Now, I’m usually cautious to make generalizations about gender… that stuff pisses people off. But, as you can imagine, I was intrigued and k